Past Perfect Life Read online

  Or perhaps I hadn’t completely forgotten her.

  I glance over at Sheriff Gleason and Grandma Gleason, who have their backs to us, wanting to give us some privacy, I guess.

  “Hello,” a male voice says.

  We finally break away, and a man whose voice matches the one I heard on our phone call stands before us. He’s wearing khaki pants and a black-and-white collared shirt under a peach sweater. He has neatly combed brown hair and wire-rimmed glasses. And he’s wearing penny loafers. Dad would definitely call this guy a square.

  Paula wipes away her tears. “Oh, Amanda, this is my husband, Craig. I guess that makes him your stepfather.”

  Craig laughs a bit, obviously uncomfortable about this. Which makes all of us. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to finally meet you, Ally.” He extends his hand, then stares at it. “Oh, that’s so stuffy. Come here.” He gives me a quick, almost formal hug.

  After a round of introductions, we’re invited into the sitting area of their two-room suite.

  “I have something for you,” Paula says as she goes over to a bag and pulls out a teddy bear with a red ribbon tied around its neck. It’s not a new teddy bear; it looks used, loved. “I don’t know if you remember Snuggles.”

  I take the bear and put it in my lap. His black beaded eyes stare back at me. There’s something familiar about this bear. But it could be that I’m desperate to remember something. Anything.

  “I need to thank you,” Paula says to Grandma Gleason, taking her hand. “She is extraordinary. Thank you for taking care of her.”

  “It’s Dad,” I find myself saying. Everybody looks at me; the mood in the room shifts when I mention him. “He raised me. Although Grandma Gleason is like a grandmother to me.”

  “Thank you,” Paula says again to her, ignoring my comment about Dad. She turns to me. “Your real grandmother can’t wait to see you again. The whole family is chomping at the bit to throw a big welcome-back party for you.”

  “That sounds wonderful,” I reply with fake enthusiasm. This is it. This is the moment I need to start buttering her up. To start the plan in place that will let me hold on to a glimmer of my real life. “I’m looking forward to meeting them. Did you bring pictures?”

  This excites her. She takes out a huge photo album and starts flipping through the photos. I try to remember all the names and ask the right questions. But it’s surreal to see these faces and know that somehow, in a different life, I belonged to them.

  “And this is Sarah.” Paula points to a picture of a maybe-ten-year-old girl with curly brown hair and dark brown eyes. “She’s your sister.”

  “Half sister,” Craig clarifies.

  “I have a sister,” I say in a near whisper.

  “Yes. She wanted to come, but we thought it would overwhelm you. You’ll see her soon enough.”

  And there it is again. This automatic assumption that I’ll be with her in Florida. And “soon.”

  “I can’t wait,” I lie. “We were actually talking.” I nod to Sheriff Gleason and Grandma Gleason, who both straighten up in their seats, getting ready for their parts. “Christmas is in a couple weeks, and I thought I’d come down for the break. Then we have a long weekend for Martin Luther King Jr. Day in January, and winter break in March. I’d love to come stay with you then, if that’s okay.”

  Paula and Craig exchange a look.

  Shit. This can’t be good.

  “Oh.” Paula’s bottom lip starts to quiver. “But I’ve missed so much already.”

  “And we have plenty of time to catch up,” I reply cheerfully, hoping it will stop her from crying. “We have years and years.”

  I don’t want to hurt her. I really don’t. But I can’t just up and leave my entire life. It’s going to be hard enough to continue without Dad, but at least I’ll have the Gleasons.

  “We are happy to have Ally stay with our family through her senior year,” Sheriff Gleason says on cue. “She’s been doing so well in school, it would be a shame to take her out when she only has a few months left until graduation.”

  “And, of course, we would like to invite your entire family up for her graduation,” Grandma Gleason chimes in with a warm smile. “We’ll have a big family party—the Gleasons and the Linsleys.”

  “It’s McMullen now,” Paula states. “My last name is McMullen. My maiden name is Cardiff.”

  “Well, whatever name, we’re happy to have you.” Grandma Gleason piles on the charm.

  It doesn’t work.

  “The last thing we want is to take you away from your friends,” Craig starts as Paula breaks down in tears. He rubs her back.

  “No!” Paula says through sobs. She regains her composure and takes a few measured breaths. “I’ve missed fifteen years of your life. It’s a miracle you’ve been found, and I came here with every intention of bringing you back with me. We have a room ready. We have wonderful schools near us. It’s time for you to be with your real family.”

  Both Grandma Gleason and Sheriff Gleason wince at this.

  “I know, and I’m so sorry, it’s just …” Is she really going to make me say it? “I don’t really know you, and you can’t really expect me to just leave everything I know behind.”

  “Do I need to remind you it’s your father’s fault that we’re strangers?” Paula snips.

  Fair point.

  “I know, I’m so sorry.” I keep apologizing to her.

  “My own daughter doesn’t know me,” Paula cries out. “And she doesn’t want to.” She holds on to Craig tightly.

  God, I’m a selfish asshole.

  Okay, plan B.

  “I do want to get to know you. Truly.” There’s a part of me that even thinks I’m telling the truth.

  Paula’s sobs slow so she’s simply sniffling. Craig hands her a handkerchief from his pocket.

  “Would it be okay if I at least finish out the semester?” I beg. “It’s only two more weeks.” This is the worst-case scenario for me, but, I feel, a totally reasonable request. It gives me some more time here.

  “Isn’t your school currently surrounded by reporters?” Paula asks.

  “They’ll go away eventually,” I reply. There has to be a bigger story to chase. So Amanda Linsley has been found. Let’s all move on.

  Paula sits for a few moments, while it feels like the entire room is holding its breath. Will she see that I need time to get adjusted to all of this … whatever the hell you want to call it?

  Paula wipes her nose and then stands up. “You should know, the law is on our side.”

  Sheriff Gleason follows suit and rises. “We know, and please let’s not start making threats about what’s legal.”

  “Nobody’s doing that,” Craig butts in, even though Paula was making a threat.

  “I’m simply stating the facts,” Paula says with her jaw set. “She has to come back with us. I’m her rightful guardian.”

  Sheriff Gleason grimaces. “Believe me, I’m fully aware of the law. But we need to do what’s best for Ally. She’s been through a lot, and taking her away from everybody she knows might not be the wisest move right now.”

  “The reason she doesn’t know her real family is because Dan stole her from me.”

  “But why should Ally be punished?” Sheriff Gleason counters.

  “Yeah,” I say aloud.

  “I don’t see how her living with her own family is punishing her,” Paula replies, a stubborn determination on her face.

  The room is silent again as the tension continues to rise. I didn’t think today was going to be easy, but I definitely didn’t think it would go this badly. I ball my hands into fists and let my nails dig into my palms.

  Sheriff Gleason studies Paula, probably thinking about his hostage negotiation training. I certainly feel like a hostage at this current moment. I have absolutely zero control over what’s going to happen to me. “Okay, I hear you. I simply think we need to take a minute—”

  “No.” Paula cuts off Sheriff Gleason, her
face crimson. “Enough!”

  My entire body goes numb. I collapse down on the couch. This can’t be happening.

  This can’t be happening.

  It can’t.

  I thought my so-called mother would do what’s in my best interest and let me stay here. I would come visit. In a few weeks when the weather will be so cold here you can feel it in your bones, I’d look forward to going to Florida.

  “I’m sorry,” she continues. I notice the bags under her eyes. She looks tired, defeated. “I really am sorry, but I have been living in hell for fifteen years not knowing where my daughter was. I want to know her. I have that right. I want my daughter to live with me. And that’s what’s going to happen.” She gets up and heads to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

  How can someone who doesn’t know me be able to make these demands of me? If she really cared, she’d let me stay here.

  “Ally?” Craig says in a soft voice. “I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. But do you understand where we’re coming from?”

  I can’t move. I can’t speak. And would it matter if I did? I have no choice in this matter.

  Once, in health class, we learned that one of the reasons drunk drivers often walk away from car crashes is because they’re relaxed when they’re in the accident (which yes, causes said accident in the first place). It’s bracing yourself that causes one to break limbs.

  So I relax and accept the oncoming collision. Accept my fate, even though it absolutely terrifies me.

  I move my head as much as I can, assuming he’ll take it as a nod.

  They’re in charge, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

  “Great,” Craig replies with a clap of his hands.

  So it’s settled. I’m moving to Florida.

  Everything that I’ve worked for. Everybody I know and trust.

  It’s all gone.

  Chapter

  TWENTY-FOUR

  “Is this the right one?” Marian holds up my ratty, but lucky, Donald Driver Packers jersey.

  I nod. She and her mom had gone over to the house to get a few more things for me to pack. They were able to dodge reporters by cutting through our neighbors’ backyard and using the back door to get into the house.

  I’m leaving tomorrow. Tomorrow. Paula didn’t feel the need to allow me to stay even an extra day. They argued that the press would catch on. I don’t care what their excuse was.

  Tomorrow, I’m getting on a plane for the first time in my life and flying to Florida. With my new family.

  I can’t say goodbye to Dad. I can’t leave the house because of the media. I can’t go to school.

  Maybe it’s best for me to go away. Maybe everybody in Valley Falls will be better off without me.

  I fold up the shirt and put it in the suitcase, the third one I’ve packed for this trip. It sits on top of the ragged teddy bear Paula gave me yesterday. The rest of my stuff is going to be boxed up and sent to me. All of Dad’s belongings will be put in storage.

  Ms. Pieper is working with administrators to transfer all my credits and transcripts with my correct social security number. Next week, I’ll be going to a new school in Florida.

  It’s all happening too fast.

  Isn’t the law supposed to protect its citizens? Instead, it’s taking me away from my home and placing me with a stranger.

  “Do you want some flip-flops or something?” Marian digs through her closet.

  I nod. I’ve realized while packing that I don’t have a lot of warm-weather clothes. Even in the summer we rarely get above eighty. It’s currently eighty-two degrees in Tampa. In December.

  That doesn’t seem right.

  “Are you going to talk?” Marian prods me.

  I shake my head again.

  “Well, you’re probably going to change your mind when you find out what I have to say next. But, honestly, at this point, I’d take you yelling at me over the silent treatment.”

  I groan and fall back on her bed. I know what this means. I know exactly what this means.

  Since I came home with the news yesterday—and my subsequent freak-out and breakdown, which kept me in tears and locked in Susan’s room—the house has had a steady stream of visitors and phone calls. People wanting to see me before I leave.

  I don’t want to see anybody. I don’t want to say goodbye. Saying goodbye when I have no idea when or even if I’ll ever be back is going to be impossible.

  The one person who has been a constant my entire life is gone. I’m not allowed to talk to him. I don’t even know when I’ll see him again.

  What good would it be to take a daughter away from her father?

  Although what good would it be to deny your mother your company? the angel on my shoulder whispers into my ear.

  But I am going, I remind it. I am fucking going.

  “Ally?” Marian says as she bites her lip. “There are a few people downstairs who want to say goodbye to you. Please let them.”

  I cover my face with my hands so she doesn’t see the tears I’ve been fighting. Once I start, the floodgates will open and I won’t be able to stop.

  I’m going to leave the real hysterical sobbing for when I’m in Florida.

  I’m Paula’s problem now.

  “Who’s downstairs?” I ask, but I already know. It’s going to be Rob, and Jan and Julia, and the whole Gleason clan.

  Including Neil.

  “It was pretty much impossible to keep any of them away. And I know it’s hard for you, but they’ve also had your back. Nobody is talking. Every person in this town is protecting you. You’re one of us. It doesn’t matter where you live. Plus, you’ll come back here for college.”

  “True.” Even though I won’t be eligible for most of the scholarships I was going to apply for since I’ll no longer be a Wisconsin resident. And there goes that Academic Excellence Scholarship, which is all Dana’s for the taking now. I’ll also have to pay out-of-state tuition, which will be even more expensive. “I hope. That’s what I want.”

  “If it’s what you want, then it’s going to happen,” Marian replies with a confident nod.

  Yeah, like what I want makes a difference anymore.

  “We also have pizza downstairs. Good pizza.” Marian wiggles her eyebrows at me. “And frozen custard.”

  “From Culver’s?”

  Marian scoffs. “Of course. Do you think we’re going to skimp on your last night here?” She laughs before she turns a little sad.

  “Hey.” I go over and hug her. “I know I’ve been a tad, um …”

  “Withdrawn? Moody? Sullen?”

  “Yes. I appreciate everything. And I will see you again.”

  “Oh, if you think some huge scandal is going to tear us apart, you don’t know me at all. Now, let’s go downstairs. If you get uncomfortable, the safe words are ‘Rob’s an ass.’ ”

  “Aren’t safe words supposed to be things that aren’t likely to be uttered?”

  “Right.” She holds my hand as we start walking toward the stairs. I can hear familiar voices in the kitchen. “So I guess it should be ‘Rob’s a genius.’ ”

  “Do I hear my name?” Rob bellows from below. “Can’t stop thinking of me, huh?”

  He greets us at the foot of the stairs, his cocky grin on full display. “Yeah, so listen, Ally. I really don’t like it when others take attention from me. And you created some huge national news story that has distracted people from the fact that I got a B-minus on my trig exam. That’s right, B-minus.” He pats himself on the back.

  Same old Rob.

  And I couldn’t be more grateful for it.

  The Gleason cousins are gathered around the table, eating pizza, and gossiping like the rug isn’t about to be pulled from under us. This is what I want. For things to be normal. To not be the center of attention. To hear the family bickering and to understand the inside jokes.

  The only person acting different is Neil. He’s sitting on the other side of the table, quiet. He picks
at his pizza and refuses to look at me.

  Can’t say I blame him.

  “Oh God, can you just get over the fact that I can dance better than you?” Jan says to Rob.

  “Have you seen my moves?” Rob gets up and starts to do something that I think is supposed to be the robot but honestly looks like a seizure. “They better reserve a section of the dance floor at prom for me. Nobody can get near my moves.”

  “That’s because nobody wants to lose an eye,” Marian says as she tries to take cover from his flailing limbs.

  “Aw, man, prom is going—” Rob stops his dancing as he looks over at me. “Oh, nothing. Never mind.”

  The room gets quiet when everybody realizes I won’t be here for prom. Or graduation. For most of high school, we talked about the big moments of senior year. I’m going to miss them all.

  Rob clears his throat. “But for real, I think I should enter one of those dancing reality shows.”

  The room erupts into laughter and taunts at Rob, who gives me a little nod.

  Neil leaves the table to get more soda.

  I need to make things right between us before I leave.

  I follow him to the refrigerator. “Hey,” I say.

  “Oh, hey.” He gives me a shy smile. “I’d ask how you’re doing but …”

  “Yeah. This is nice, though. Sorry I haven’t returned any of your messages.”

  He shrugs. “I get it. But it sucks that you have to go away.”

  “I know. I don’t want to.”

  “Yeah …”

  There’s that awkwardness that we didn’t used to have before. I did that. I ruined everything.

  “And I’m also sorry for …” Is he going to make me say it in front of everybody? I wonder if they even know about our little tryst the other day.

  Neil’s cheeks redden. “Oh, no. You don’t have to apologize for that. Like, ever. It was, um … It was pretty great, and I just wish I would’ve had the guts to do it sooner, that’s all.”

  “Yo, Neil!” Rob calls out. “Can you grab me a Coke?”

  Neil opens the fridge and gets out a can of Coke. He turns to walk away, but I grab his hand. “I don’t regret it, either.”